How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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