I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
