This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
