His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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