he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
