His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
