I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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