i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
