So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
