woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
