just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just puked most of my soul out..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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