Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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