Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
