Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
