I'm gonna have a badass scar
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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