Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
