I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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