There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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