If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
