I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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