remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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