i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
