We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
