she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
