Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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