A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
