new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
