That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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