Define "chronic" masturbator.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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