Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
