I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
