Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
