so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
