she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
