Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
