Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
