He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
