You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
