too bad you live with your parents still
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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