first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
