I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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