I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
