Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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