Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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