Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm really busy with my period
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