Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
