I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
