Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
