Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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