Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
