I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
