last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
