just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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