fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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