he puts the penis in happiness.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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