I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize