My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
