Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
