genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
