i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
