This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
