My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
