And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
