How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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