3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
