she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
third nipple confirmed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
