i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
