hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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