the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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