Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize