You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
