last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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