im drinking this country out of the recession.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
