You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
